Thursday, February 6, 2014

A Walk in the Park

Take a walk through the park,
a few steps in someone else’s shoes.
Never knowing where you’re going
or how you will get there.
Who needs a map
when you’ve got nothing but time.

Tell yourself it’ll be different this time.
Life changes and grows like the oak trees in the park.
We aren’t given a map
to tell us where to go, just shoes.
We walk, and we get there;
wherever it is we’re going.

In a world where everyone is constantly going;
the hustle and bustle constrained by time.
Each person concerned with their
own path, winding through the same park.
Barely looking up, eyes fixed to our shoes
as if somewhere in the leather lies a map.

A series of dots and lines; a map.
Keeping readers on course as we go,
wearing down the soles of our shoes.
Trying to find that Thing in the time
we are given to walk through this park.
Nothing else matters as long as we get there.

You are here, we are there.
If only you had followed that map,
the one you lost in the park
that night he told you he was going;
needing space and just a little time.
He left you standing there staring at your shoes.

Leather, wood and laces, these shoes
that should have taken you there.
If only you had enough time
and that damn map.
Instead you find yourself going,
wandering through this autumn park

Though your shoes are hardly worn, you park,
Stopping right there, to redetermine where you are going.
Nothing but time, the crumpled mass is left and you go, sans map.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

P.S. Wish You Were Here

Bright
White
Beautiful

The music started and I walked
I looked
I held
and I spoke
You watched on
invisible

As the words tumbled from my lips
you stood beside me
silently
invisibly
and though you were there
I felt your absence

I was told that you were in the wind
kissing my cheek as you blew past
but I couldn't see you
either of you

Silent whispers
Unfelt embraces
When all I wanted was your voice
your arms
soft kisses upon my cheek
instead of tears

Friday, February 25, 2011

The Photo

There was a girl
so small and meek
Her eyes, oceans of sadness
Laughter peaked out
and pulled at the corners of her mouth
But only when you walked by

You were the sun
you made it light
when there was nothing but darkness
And she revolved around you

She was your sun
She made it light
when there was nothing but darkness
And you revolved around her

You danced around another
ever twirling
lives entwining
ever loving
Each held in the eye of the beholder

But one day the light went out
the dancing stopped
and your world crashed down around you
Standing alone in the dark
your heart torn open
bleeding on the floor

You picked up the pieces
and walked on through the dark
never seeing light
until you let me in

I opened a door
let a sliver of light peak in
and you jumped

Your ever burning light
could not brighten your own way
but one glance
and I was ablaze

But it wasn't enough
it never would be
because I wasn't her
and I had a secret

I envied her all along

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Acoustic Guitar

Let it rock you
let it shake
I can feel it in my heart
I can feel it in my mind
in my blood
and in my bones

These soft notes rock me
steady steady
strum, it numbs me
I could lay here forever
numb
and smiling

the vibration sets me
moves me
my drug of choice
the strum of those notes
soft voice in my ear
you make everything disappear.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Love Letters

To everyone I've ever loved
and to those who have loved me
I thank you for everything
for the heartbreak
and the happiness
for the good times
and the bad
this wouldn't be life without it

Thanks to you I am living
breathing
feeling
writing

From the bad comes the good
things must get worse before they get better

I have seen the bad
I have seen my personal worst
and from that
I live

From the torn and broken
a bond was born
two friends never closer
A mother's love for her daughter
and visa versa

From betrayal and bruising
came the purest love I've ever known
a mother's love for her child
a son to call my very own

From lies and damaged friendship
one stood out among the many
a best friend
a sister

and from hopelessness and loss
came beauty in love
one who completes me
who fills me
who loves without ever being asked

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Too Late

If you had looked into those liquid blues
felt the tiny hands
lifted the small weight in your arms
would things be any different?

Time is what every friendship needs to blossom
but were we too late?
Had I been months earlier, days or weeks
would the bond be any stronger?

If you had been there for the helpless cries
and soft sleepy whimpers
if a tiny hand grasped round your one finger
would your heart have swelled?

I'm giving you time
but I can't help but wonder
if we were too late
if it would be different

If his name were the same as yours
would you love him more?
I feel as if the one he carries
is your one reason to stay away

If I had left just a little sooner
would he call you Daddy?
would you hold him in your arms
and call him your son?

If you had gotten to know him
when he was a little younger
would your heart have room for him too?
or were we too late?

I can't force it
I can only foster
but how can I foster a love that doesn't exist?

I wish you'd look at him with a light in your eye
I wish you'd hold him,
embrace him,
play with him.
I wish you'd acknowledge him
when he wants your attention
I wish you'd love him.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Life As A Painting

Everything is black and grey
black and grey, black and grey
I felt like the color was starting to fade
I can't shake this
why can't I shake this
I found an artist
he captures the color
but I still can't shake this
can't shake this
I found an artist who captures the color
an artist who makes art
is art
I'm no artist
because I can't find the color
all my paintings are black and grey
I know what happened
and it's all because of you
you stole the color
my color
you stole my color and now
I can't shake this
but I found an artist
and he will bring my color back

Friday, April 10, 2009

We Shall

The day of pain
I sat sobbing
watching my life flash before me
everything, gone
my world was crashing down on itself
but I moved onward
each day my stomach swelled
each day you grew stronger
each day I grew more fearful
what if
I couldn't do it
I wasn't good enough
I couldn't provide the life you deserved
but I moved onward
your little feet kicked from inside me
tiny elbows brush against my stomach
I felt you growing stronger
my fear grew stronger

The day you arrived
came in a haze
this was the day
but as you were placed in my arms
I saw the little feet that kicked me
the tiny elbows that brushed my stomach
and the face I longed to know
a love I never knew swelled in my heart
you were mine
every time you smile
when your eyes light up
when you laugh
I am glad you are mine
because I get to see it
every time you cry
when you are hurt
when you are sad
I am glad you are mine
because I can make it better

I dream about our future
and although the road ahead is unclear
I am no longer afraid
because I know that I love you
and that you are mine
and together the world is ours

Driving Song Pt II

Driving across this desolate land
this stretch is a ghost town
and I am merely a ghost
floating through this life
a wisp of my former self
the warmth makes me stronger
hope makes me less transparent
Trees without leaves
twisted and broken
Glory known once, lost
It's all about finding my way
I was lost for a long time
wandering
following the path, not knowing where it lead
letting it lead me
lead me to my death
it took a great feat of strength
to regain control
Looking out at the road ahead of me
it looks so lonely now
but any day now I'll reach my destination

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Driving Song

Decisions in life we make
some we never know why
reflective and regret full
how did we end up here?
Life, dreams, goals, the pie in the sky
all we ever wanted
two days, two years
it's times like these we can't tell the difference
the line is being blurred
you're breaking the rules
it was never supposed to be like this
Fairy tales and script-like love
these are things of dreams my friend
The hardest part is doing this alone, or doing this
all the things I thought would wait
are lies and deception
the two have become the premise of my life
tired of feeling
distance makes the heart grow fonder
Life makes the heart grow colder
a rock beats life through me

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Pain

My head is throbbing, pounding
Another six hundred and some odd page done, one day
That's not what's making my head hurt
Books are easy, life is hard
I've never wanted something so bad in my life
It's hard
To think...
that I was lied to
He made me think...
He made me believe...
And now look at me, I'm a mess.
I don't want him, not one bit
But I want someone
to look at me with nothing but pure love in their eyes, and mean it
to not care about anything else other than my happiness and safety, and mean it
to mean everything they say
I have never wanted something so bad in my entire life
I hurt, everywhere
Like my body is beating itself up
I...I don't know what to do...

Sunday, July 27, 2008

The meaning of NOW

Just because this thing's inside me
doesn't mean I chose this path
a path I accept but did not choose
I still want to be silly and young
I remember being careless
oh how I wish I could smile again
My muscles tense
teeth clench
as these never ending tears come again
it's like I'm spiraling downward
falling backwards
losing control
and there's nothing, absolutely nothing
I can do
I'm wishing life wasn't so serious
I'm tired of putting on this stern face
I long to smile, to really laugh
I did once
possibilities are slim to none
and this frown remains

Monday, December 24, 2007

A Line In The Sand

i could just as easily say any of those things
to any one of my friends
simply for revenge
but the thing is...
i possess absolutely no desire to utter any of those things to anyone but you
you are my one and only
when I say these things I am not saying them simply
the words are few and simple
but the meaning behind them would take forever to explain
i think a line has been drawn in the sand
i stand here
and you stand there
and either you cross to my side
or we forever be cursed
with this line in the sand
the sand used to be a comfort underneath my feet
but now it seems uneasy to stand on
the days pass
something seems to be slipping
and I can't quite get a grip
time apart
a salvation, no longer a curse
your words of kindness turn to hurt

Sunday, December 16, 2007

It Goes A Little Like This

There's something about this
I just can't explain
at a loss for words
temporarily speechless
you make my heart beat faster
you make my world spin
I get dizzy when you kiss me
and I'm feeling slightly
no
very, in love with you
it hasn't been long
but it sure has been a rollercoaster
and I can't be more grateful
for your reassuring hand
and your beautiful voice brushing against my ear
everything is going to be ok
I used to be afraid of the dark
all alonebut with your arms around me
all fear has vanished
I want this forever
you
forever

Friday, October 12, 2007

Fear Itself Is A Monster

Like steam, fear rises in my veins
I am not alone
yet I feel lonesome
as my stomach sours once again
I feel like the world is closing in on me
I trust you
but the fear remains
I have trusted once before, have I not?
I have loved once before, have I not?
Before both lost, and a broken heart
What am I to do if this situation is more than this?
I am afraid
of being stranded
without your helping hand
I would sink rapidly into the deep waters in which I cannot escape
without you
I am nothing
and that is the thing that fuels the fear
the sickness
and the nightmares

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Your Resistence, Brought On By Your Interests

This is playing out like a bad movie
I'm trying to warn you
of the man behind the door
but you can't hear a word I'm saying
and now he's got you in the corner
a knife to your throat
you scream
in a panic he grabs your throat to silence you
his grip is deadly
so deadly
I'm watching you suffocate
and there's not a damn thing I can do
I'm pounding my fists on the TV screen
pounding until they bleed
I'm screaming at him to let you go
screaming and pleading
but you still can't hear me
I'm trying so hard
and getting nothing for my efforts
nothing but bloody fists
and a lost voice
it hurts to beat the glass
and my screams no longer sound
he draws his knife again
and I realize...
there's nothing more I can do for you

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Break This Code, 007

I'm sitting across from you
and the wind blows my hair
gently, so gently
like the kisses you plant upon my lips
I'm sitting across from a stranger
strange to me
but there's just something about you
like a good joke, the laugh I've been missing
like the sun, shining on a pale heart
but there's just something about you
nothing in life is free
and I feel like there's something I'm not getting
it came so easy, so easy to me
and baby, nothing in life is free
but there's just something about you
such a gentleman, a kindness I've never known
I'm wondering if there's a light at the end of this tunnel
and maybe, just maybe, you....

I'm wishing this was complicated
because it seems too good to be true
excuse my hesitence
while I decipher my decision

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

The Boy Who Wasn't

I can't tell if I'm angry or upset
and the broken glass isn't helping my decision
I'm staring at the blood
fury red
and I'm weighing out those words
yet none seems more fitting than the other
your laughter is hiding something
and I'm going to find out what
if I have to rip you apart from the inside out
I'm done with sweet nothings
and hopeless words of wishful romanticism

I'm feeling sinister tonight
I wonder what you'd think
if your insides burned like mine
twisted like mine
I bet your laughter would echo off the walls
until it morphs into screams of agony
I'd like to watch your heart beat
from outside your chest
proof that you actually feel
ice or fire?
we'll see if your blood is ice cold
maybe some day you'll be a real boy
for now you're nothing but a fake

Saturday, July 28, 2007

The Sun: The Villian

Cloudy skies and pouring rain
this isn't what I came here for
All the plans I used to have
and all the hopes
all of those I've now given up
you're not making the rain fall any softer
and the thunder is still as loud as it used to be
I figured someone like you would revel in weather like this
but I guess your fear of the sun
is much more than any of us imagined

I'm wasting breath
and wasting life
waiting for you to come to your senses
and yes, I'm giving up
perhaps I'll find someone not so afraid of the sun
whatever the sun may be
don't say I never tried
so many times I wished to be the shade
when all along I was the sun shining brighter than I knew
best of luck, to you

Saturday, July 21, 2007

The Relevance of Why

tonight is dark and damp
the rain makes everything sparkle
but the world isn't that pretty now
all this open road
and I'm just begging for a red light
everyone knows how the world spins
but no one ever told me it was this fast
there is something under my skin
I can feel it moving
but I don't know where it is
all this noise
but all I hear is silence
pretty colors bleed black and grey

the rain falls upon me
but as much as I wish
it's not washing any of this away

five hundred thousand words
and I can't seem to find a single one
to tell you why

It's cold
and I miss you
I find anger and frustration in my love for you
simply because....

I'm in love with one who does not love me back