Calendars

I opened up the little book
and stared at it's pages
all of the numbers blurred
time runs together
and makes no difference
minutes becomes hours
hours become days
and the days bleed into months and months of frustration
how many more days can I count?
How much longer can I wait?
No longer can I tell whether time is running backwards or forwards
or if it's stopped all together
time pases in a haze
and I'm so confused

I need you to pull me to safety
Tell me what time it is
because I think it's time for us
to stop putting life on hold

Going Blind

Today I saw your reflection in the lake
but the sun caught my eye and I turned away
when I looked back you had disappeared
I thought the sun should have blinded me
to save me from seeing your face
mocking me in the water and dancing away
a cold breeze swept through the valley
when you disappeared
I was cold and you weren't there to keep me warm
you laughed as I shielded my eyes
from the sun as you ran away
You tempt me every day
with your reflection
somedays I wish it were real
then you disappear and all my hope is lost
to the depths of that murky water
I don't think you quite understand...
I would give up everything I have right now
just for you
yet you still mock me
and continue to fade away

please show ID at the door

Why is it that
I can have so much
and still be so unhappy?
I feel so selfish
so rude
like I'm doing something wrong
Who am I to think my life is so horrible?
When clearly the lives of those around me are so much worse
I have everything I could ever need
but it's nothing I want
It's all in the wrong context
the wrong place
the wrong time
these characters in my story don't match their description
and the plot line is all wrong
why do I care?
I'm one who lives life unscripted
Yet all of this is altered from what I imagine
There's no starting over
and I'd only make things worse
if I gave all of this up
So what do I do now?
Do I wait?
Standing in anticipation of the day
that things go the way I want them to
The way I dream
All of this is killing me
I smile and laugh
but later I think it might all be fake
I don't know if I'm acting anymore
and I don't know if I'm being genuine
I'm scared
The lines have blurred
I can't tell the real me from the fake me
This is an identity crisis

liars, cheats, and things in between

maybe i think too much
perhaps i let my mind wander far more than i should
hidden between every word you say
i hear lies
a sense that the words coming from your lips are just words
i cant help but feel like this is just a game
something you laugh about when i'm not there
i'm so afraid of everything
i'm reluctant to try this
if it's only going to have a deadly outcome
so please
if you care even the slightest bit
let it go before you kill me
i'm telling you i don't have much left
no energy or hope
please dont let this be for your amusement
i don't want to be a pawn
in another useless game
i'm tired of playing
from now on i'd just like for things to be real
i'm way past pretending
if you're ready to grow up a little
if you're ready for this
show me you mean it

I call it bliss

Slow motion playback. Rewind and play it again. This is so fun. It's like nothing else matters when I'm in the moment. Careless and aimless we go through life, but this is the best. Play, this sweet music and dance with me. Pause, look at us having fun. Play, keep up it don't let the song end. Stop, oh no it's over. Promise me we'll do this again tomorrow. I'll bring the music if you just bring your bad self. We're gonna dance until the end of time, just like this. Disco may be out of style but we're making life the new craze. Everyone wants to be us, cause we're the best at dancing through life. Look at us go. I call this bliss.

love shines light and darkness

Would you swing with me, and watch the stars? Looking into the vastness of the night and knowing there is only us, here. Would you hold me tighter when the breeze blows, so cold upon my flesh? Hold me, like you're never letting go. Would you whisper how great it is, to be sitting here with me? Every minute, every breath, counted, and dreaded at the same time. Would you look me in the eyes, and spill your heart without ever saying a word? Words say so much, but I see your soul through your eyes and it says so much more. Would you cry if I left, the sadness ripping at your heart? Love is sad, but don't let it go.

Princess in a tower

Scream, out loud this time and not to myself. Rip the vocal chords. Let them know the pain inside. Smash the mirror, let it fall. A million pieces for a million tears that should not have fallen. As the air escapes the emotions flood and it becomes more than just a scream. Stand in the silence, shaking. Watch the unsteady hand, listen to the inhale, feel the rapid heart. To see the skin, to hear the breath, to feel the beat of the core, I am alive. A miracle in light of all that has happened. Confusion covers like a blanket and darkens all logic. I fear what has not happened is not far off. Life has been tested one too many times.