Marathon of Mortality

Running
miles and miles
never ceasing
there's no destination
no time limit
nothing
I am running and my lungs are screaming
my heart is beating and if I stop running now
I'll die
I keep passing the same people
I see all the same things
I'm starting to think I may be running in circles
My body is aching
my lungs are screaming for more air
but I just can't seem to fill them up
Fear overwhelms me as my muscles tense, stretch and burn
Where am I going?
How long do I have to run to get there?
It's then that I realize...

I'm running absolutely nowhere

I'm so tired
and I think I'm in last place
last place in the race to nowhere

An Art I'll Never Perfect

It takes everything
just to do this simple task
it takes a special knowledge
a certain skill
to achieve what seems unachievable
robbed of breath
and head aching to the point my skull might crack
I have to do what needs to be done
and it's an art I'll never perfect
I don't need brushes
acryllic or canvas
I don't need pencils or paper
but I might need tape
because the art of giving up
tears me apart

Draw Your Guns It's A Shootout

Why can't things be like they used to be?
When everyone was happyor at least they seemed to be
Why can't we smile like we used to?
but now there's nothing I can do
and I'm sorry I can't be there for you
Why can't you hold my hand?
as we dance to the music of this old band
I'm sorry I just don't understand

You're the only thing keeping me alive

I don't know what to do with these thoughts
All of them send my stomach into knots
Coffee and cigarettes remind me of you
and I swear I really don't know what to do
I miss my best friend
and it feels like the world is about to end
I'm no good at rhyming
and this is definately not the best timing
for all these thoughts
and for my stomach to be in knots

I'm missing you

It's the most terrible thing
but it's so amazing
I haven't smiled like this in a long time

Fakers

To most of you, who called me friend
thanks for nothing
To those of you, who smiled at me, and laughed behind my back
thanks for nothing
To the very few, whose words have never failed me
thanks for everything

I am not who you think I am
or who your friends said I'd be
My outside does not at all begin to reflect the inside
and the words conceal the real thoughts

I've never asked for a friend
nor have I asked for lies
but I continue to recieve both
and in return, you're getting nothing
I will not play these games
I will not take heart what you say
and to those to whom this is directed
I'm sure you already know who you are

You are not my friend, my companion
You are not my confidante, nor a soft shoulder
Hellos, and goodbyes, and still your words mean nothing
You think I smile because I believe your empty promises
but I'm smiling because I am one step ahead of you
and damn, it feels good to be ahead

I am a mother, a daughter, and a sister
what do you have to be proud of?
certainly not your clear disregard for depth,
for, self worth
for, pride
in nothing
you are
nothing

I found a friend, in the least likely place
and was surprised to find
she kept her word
friend, she said
and friend she kept

I do not look for charity nor pity in her
simply the comfort of knowing
her soul
her heart
her being
cares
compassion

The thing she has that many of you lack

I am not sexy
popular
nor do I party
drink, smoke, drugs

I have pride, compassion
mother, daughter, sister
friend

Songs on Shuffle (Let's Dance)

The music is blaring
so loud I can barely hear you
But I don't need to hear a single word
to know what you're saying
I'm weak at the knees
and I can't tell if it's from dancing
or the look in your eyes
I have to remind myself to breath
Can we keep tonight on repeat
forever?
I've been wandering in the dark for so long
the hardest thing is leaving the light I've found
I don't feel quite right
leaving you behind

Under Quarantine

The acid in my stomach slowly rises
I try to fight it
feeling weak, tired, and numb
I'm using every bit of me I have left
to deny this feeling
keeping from spewing every heated word,
putrid thought,
and the bile from within me
I haven't eaten in three days
as this fever spreads throughout my body
I wake up from these nightmares
in cold sweats and violent tremors
I lay staring blankly at my ceiling
thinking, breathing, only being
This disease is spreading through me faster than I can fight it
I don't know how much longer I can take it
each day gets worse and worse
the days are getting longer
and the screams are getting louder
and everything is imploding
...
30 seconds from the finish line
and there you are
right where you've always been

a cure for this deadly cancer

Back from the dead and still going

Beat. Pause. Beat Beat.
oh I have been through hell
my poor little heart has been picked up
thrown down
drop kicked
punted
punched
ripped apart
and sewn back together
more times than I'd like to count
it rides on rollercoasters of emotions
spilling its contents after stepping through the gate
its been taken for granted and ignored
it's been both excited and bored

yet through it all it manages to get by
and my calloused little heart continues to beat

Beat. Pause. Beat Beat.