Saturday, October 7, 2006

please show ID at the door

Why is it that
I can have so much
and still be so unhappy?
I feel so selfish
so rude
like I'm doing something wrong
Who am I to think my life is so horrible?
When clearly the lives of those around me are so much worse
I have everything I could ever need
but it's nothing I want
It's all in the wrong context
the wrong place
the wrong time
these characters in my story don't match their description
and the plot line is all wrong
why do I care?
I'm one who lives life unscripted
Yet all of this is altered from what I imagine
There's no starting over
and I'd only make things worse
if I gave all of this up
So what do I do now?
Do I wait?
Standing in anticipation of the day
that things go the way I want them to
The way I dream
All of this is killing me
I smile and laugh
but later I think it might all be fake
I don't know if I'm acting anymore
and I don't know if I'm being genuine
I'm scared
The lines have blurred
I can't tell the real me from the fake me
This is an identity crisis

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