Monday, December 24, 2007

A Line In The Sand

i could just as easily say any of those things
to any one of my friends
simply for revenge
but the thing is...
i possess absolutely no desire to utter any of those things to anyone but you
you are my one and only
when I say these things I am not saying them simply
the words are few and simple
but the meaning behind them would take forever to explain
i think a line has been drawn in the sand
i stand here
and you stand there
and either you cross to my side
or we forever be cursed
with this line in the sand
the sand used to be a comfort underneath my feet
but now it seems uneasy to stand on
the days pass
something seems to be slipping
and I can't quite get a grip
time apart
a salvation, no longer a curse
your words of kindness turn to hurt

Sunday, December 16, 2007

It Goes A Little Like This

There's something about this
I just can't explain
at a loss for words
temporarily speechless
you make my heart beat faster
you make my world spin
I get dizzy when you kiss me
and I'm feeling slightly
very, in love with you
it hasn't been long
but it sure has been a rollercoaster
and I can't be more grateful
for your reassuring hand
and your beautiful voice brushing against my ear
everything is going to be ok
I used to be afraid of the dark
all alonebut with your arms around me
all fear has vanished
I want this forever

Friday, October 12, 2007

Fear Itself Is A Monster

Like steam, fear rises in my veins
I am not alone
yet I feel lonesome
as my stomach sours once again
I feel like the world is closing in on me
I trust you
but the fear remains
I have trusted once before, have I not?
I have loved once before, have I not?
Before both lost, and a broken heart
What am I to do if this situation is more than this?
I am afraid
of being stranded
without your helping hand
I would sink rapidly into the deep waters in which I cannot escape
without you
I am nothing
and that is the thing that fuels the fear
the sickness
and the nightmares

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Your Resistence, Brought On By Your Interests

This is playing out like a bad movie
I'm trying to warn you
of the man behind the door
but you can't hear a word I'm saying
and now he's got you in the corner
a knife to your throat
you scream
in a panic he grabs your throat to silence you
his grip is deadly
so deadly
I'm watching you suffocate
and there's not a damn thing I can do
I'm pounding my fists on the TV screen
pounding until they bleed
I'm screaming at him to let you go
screaming and pleading
but you still can't hear me
I'm trying so hard
and getting nothing for my efforts
nothing but bloody fists
and a lost voice
it hurts to beat the glass
and my screams no longer sound
he draws his knife again
and I realize...
there's nothing more I can do for you

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Break This Code, 007

I'm sitting across from you
and the wind blows my hair
gently, so gently
like the kisses you plant upon my lips
I'm sitting across from a stranger
strange to me
but there's just something about you
like a good joke, the laugh I've been missing
like the sun, shining on a pale heart
but there's just something about you
nothing in life is free
and I feel like there's something I'm not getting
it came so easy, so easy to me
and baby, nothing in life is free
but there's just something about you
such a gentleman, a kindness I've never known
I'm wondering if there's a light at the end of this tunnel
and maybe, just maybe, you....

I'm wishing this was complicated
because it seems too good to be true
excuse my hesitence
while I decipher my decision

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

The Boy Who Wasn't

I can't tell if I'm angry or upset
and the broken glass isn't helping my decision
I'm staring at the blood
fury red
and I'm weighing out those words
yet none seems more fitting than the other
your laughter is hiding something
and I'm going to find out what
if I have to rip you apart from the inside out
I'm done with sweet nothings
and hopeless words of wishful romanticism

I'm feeling sinister tonight
I wonder what you'd think
if your insides burned like mine
twisted like mine
I bet your laughter would echo off the walls
until it morphs into screams of agony
I'd like to watch your heart beat
from outside your chest
proof that you actually feel
ice or fire?
we'll see if your blood is ice cold
maybe some day you'll be a real boy
for now you're nothing but a fake

Saturday, July 28, 2007

The Sun: The Villian

Cloudy skies and pouring rain
this isn't what I came here for
All the plans I used to have
and all the hopes
all of those I've now given up
you're not making the rain fall any softer
and the thunder is still as loud as it used to be
I figured someone like you would revel in weather like this
but I guess your fear of the sun
is much more than any of us imagined

I'm wasting breath
and wasting life
waiting for you to come to your senses
and yes, I'm giving up
perhaps I'll find someone not so afraid of the sun
whatever the sun may be
don't say I never tried
so many times I wished to be the shade
when all along I was the sun shining brighter than I knew
best of luck, to you

Saturday, July 21, 2007

The Relevance of Why

tonight is dark and damp
the rain makes everything sparkle
but the world isn't that pretty now
all this open road
and I'm just begging for a red light
everyone knows how the world spins
but no one ever told me it was this fast
there is something under my skin
I can feel it moving
but I don't know where it is
all this noise
but all I hear is silence
pretty colors bleed black and grey

the rain falls upon me
but as much as I wish
it's not washing any of this away

five hundred thousand words
and I can't seem to find a single one
to tell you why

It's cold
and I miss you
I find anger and frustration in my love for you
simply because....

I'm in love with one who does not love me back

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

The Storm

I am laying here
so quiet
I am thinking here
so brilliant
I am watching this
flash of light

There's something in the rain

Thinking hurts too much
and apathy bores me
so where's the inbetween?

I am wishing for
the thunder to shake the earth
so violent
I am hoping for
something more

There's something...

The flash lights up everything I'm trying so hard not to see
The thunder reflects the cracking of the earth beneath me
is everything falling apart?
or coming together so nicely?

The air is thick
it hits me like a brick
memories of things past
and things that refuse to happen

There's something in the air...

The sparks we make cause blinding flash
Tension builds to a deafening roar
The storm breaks....

Friday, July 6, 2007

Breaking Glass

Oh you're funny
baby you're so god damn funny
maybe you should write this all down
because your story keeps changing
you're bad at lying
but I'm not quite sure what it is you're lying about now
you lost me at your fake "I'm sorry"
you're not at all sorry love
don't worry, I've figured you out by now
you were right when you said I'm angry
it's scary how much I want to do something drastic
that balcony is looking mighty fine
in all my anger I'm surprised that it's my body I imagine falling to the hard ground below
when I could just as easily picture you
it's no secret that if it happened it wouldn't phase you one bit
I'm sure the town would be at a great loss
but I was more concerned with how you would feel
but you don't
you heartless bastard
you can admit to it forever baby
but that doesn't change how you don't care
you know you make mistakes
it doesn't make it right if you don't do anything about making some changes
speaking of becoming someone better
I'm fine with who I am
and you don't realized how insecure your words make me feel
that you wish I were someone else
that things would be so much better if I was her
too bad I'm not


and the sad thing is:
you're okay with that

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

In the Fog of Dreams

Like a blur
life does not merely pass me by
yet you seem to stay in the shadows
and like a dream you haunt me
I only see you when I'm sleeping
moonlight aloe
soothes daylight burns
and I'm wondering what I'm doing here
the flood gates break
and in a rush of emotion I'm caught up in something deadly
what exactly are we doing here?
the room is spinning
and the ringing in my ears is getting louder
this has gone way past simple confusion
rock solid my feelings stood cemented
yours, however, were ground on loose soil
in an avalanche of fear things seemed to change
but just for one
just for you
can you blame my mind for spinning?
in this whirlpool you've created
falling faster, and faster
you tried to stop it
but you're the one who pulled the plug
The damp cold consumes me
fear, confusion, and anger jolt me I wake up in this cold sweat

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Silence in a white room

I don't know what to say to get you to start talking
how could they?
cut out your tongue and let you live
this tragedy has gone too far
and I'm out of ideas
for saving you this time
Your voice used to be so soothing
and now I'm dying to hear those words
as frustration leaks from my eyes
and pools on the dirty floor
as I fall
The ceiling tiles aren't as pretty as your face
but they are the best thing I've got
remembering hurts too much
and hope only signals impending doom
so what have I got these days?
Silence in a white room...

Friday, April 27, 2007

Penny For Your Thoughts

Baby, would you put away that mirror?
I don't like the way I look when I'm angry
I'm laughing but I don't know why
and hearing your voice only makes me angry
but don't be afraid baby
it's not you that feeds my anger
it's the lonely road
Can you hear me smile?
I'm trying so hard to hear your smiles
but all I get is silence
I've had enough of using my imagination
thoughts only get you so far
and I'm about spent

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Your Catastrophe Could Be Our Good Fortune

Should I be ashamed of what I feel?
This black hole I'm in isn't getting any smaller
and I'm starting to feel like there's no way out
it's so quiet in here
I can hear every thought and they echo so loudly
I've fallen to my knees
and I'm begging for a way out
you say you'd like to fly among the Gods
but baby, you've fallen just like me
it's up to you if you want to be with a fallen angel
I could be worth fighting for
and I just want to be wanted
I'm being encompassed by darkness
and perhaps the sun is the only thing to save me
and I know you're afraid of falling again
but I promise I'll hold on tight

Saturday, March 3, 2007

These Words Aren't Fallacy

Waste the day
and walk the night
as the moon rises and falls I fall more and more
Words of kindness, words of truth
I couldn't have asked for a better curse
my outlook was looking bleak
then you gave new light to my growing darkness
I've been fighting back this evil
so eager to deny it
not wanting to feel the burn
of fallacy ringing through these hallways
those before you shattered me
I sought solace in the ruins
you took my hand and pulled me up
and helped me piece everything back together
fragile beauty hides no longer
but fear ran through my veins like fire
now the fire smolders

"Tell me you love me."

I love a vampire.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Public Service Announcement


I don't mean to disturb you.

The words that flow form my mouth mean nothing.
They are static to your ears.
I'm sorry this signal is weak.
My wiring isn't the greatest these days.
The picture was too blurry and I couldn't see, but I've adjusted the settings and you're coming in loud and clear.
Now I can see what is happening on the big screen.
I stare in amazement as I realize just how wrong I was.
I've wasted your precious time and for that I apologize.
I think you get the picture and I'm sorry for the confusion.


Saturday, February 10, 2007

Marathon of Mortality

miles and miles
never ceasing
there's no destination
no time limit
I am running and my lungs are screaming
my heart is beating and if I stop running now
I'll die
I keep passing the same people
I see all the same things
I'm starting to think I may be running in circles
My body is aching
my lungs are screaming for more air
but I just can't seem to fill them up
Fear overwhelms me as my muscles tense, stretch and burn
Where am I going?
How long do I have to run to get there?
It's then that I realize...

I'm running absolutely nowhere

I'm so tired
and I think I'm in last place
last place in the race to nowhere

An Art I'll Never Perfect

It takes everything
just to do this simple task
it takes a special knowledge
a certain skill
to achieve what seems unachievable
robbed of breath
and head aching to the point my skull might crack
I have to do what needs to be done
and it's an art I'll never perfect
I don't need brushes
acryllic or canvas
I don't need pencils or paper
but I might need tape
because the art of giving up
tears me apart

Sunday, February 4, 2007

Draw Your Guns It's A Shootout

Why can't things be like they used to be?
When everyone was happyor at least they seemed to be
Why can't we smile like we used to?
but now there's nothing I can do
and I'm sorry I can't be there for you
Why can't you hold my hand?
as we dance to the music of this old band
I'm sorry I just don't understand

You're the only thing keeping me alive

I don't know what to do with these thoughts
All of them send my stomach into knots
Coffee and cigarettes remind me of you
and I swear I really don't know what to do
I miss my best friend
and it feels like the world is about to end
I'm no good at rhyming
and this is definately not the best timing
for all these thoughts
and for my stomach to be in knots

I'm missing you

It's the most terrible thing
but it's so amazing
I haven't smiled like this in a long time

Saturday, January 27, 2007


To most of you, who called me friend
thanks for nothing
To those of you, who smiled at me, and laughed behind my back
thanks for nothing
To the very few, whose words have never failed me
thanks for everything

I am not who you think I am
or who your friends said I'd be
My outside does not at all begin to reflect the inside
and the words conceal the real thoughts

I've never asked for a friend
nor have I asked for lies
but I continue to recieve both
and in return, you're getting nothing
I will not play these games
I will not take heart what you say
and to those to whom this is directed
I'm sure you already know who you are

You are not my friend, my companion
You are not my confidante, nor a soft shoulder
Hellos, and goodbyes, and still your words mean nothing
You think I smile because I believe your empty promises
but I'm smiling because I am one step ahead of you
and damn, it feels good to be ahead

I am a mother, a daughter, and a sister
what do you have to be proud of?
certainly not your clear disregard for depth,
for, self worth
for, pride
in nothing
you are

I found a friend, in the least likely place
and was surprised to find
she kept her word
friend, she said
and friend she kept

I do not look for charity nor pity in her
simply the comfort of knowing
her soul
her heart
her being

The thing she has that many of you lack

I am not sexy
nor do I party
drink, smoke, drugs

I have pride, compassion
mother, daughter, sister

Monday, January 15, 2007

Songs on Shuffle (Let's Dance)

The music is blaring
so loud I can barely hear you
But I don't need to hear a single word
to know what you're saying
I'm weak at the knees
and I can't tell if it's from dancing
or the look in your eyes
I have to remind myself to breath
Can we keep tonight on repeat
I've been wandering in the dark for so long
the hardest thing is leaving the light I've found
I don't feel quite right
leaving you behind

Thursday, January 4, 2007

Under Quarantine

The acid in my stomach slowly rises
I try to fight it
feeling weak, tired, and numb
I'm using every bit of me I have left
to deny this feeling
keeping from spewing every heated word,
putrid thought,
and the bile from within me
I haven't eaten in three days
as this fever spreads throughout my body
I wake up from these nightmares
in cold sweats and violent tremors
I lay staring blankly at my ceiling
thinking, breathing, only being
This disease is spreading through me faster than I can fight it
I don't know how much longer I can take it
each day gets worse and worse
the days are getting longer
and the screams are getting louder
and everything is imploding
30 seconds from the finish line
and there you are
right where you've always been

a cure for this deadly cancer