Expression

Breath stops. Breathe in. I suffocate with every intake. In the darkness, in the silence, quiet tears fall. With every move a twinge of pain, with every twinge a memory. The memories rip at my heart with a fierceness I've never known before. Why like this? Why me? I stare into the mirrors I can't avoid and wonder what I have done to deserve this. I've done nothing but my best to be all that I am. Apparently who I am is not enough, yet I still refuse to change. Why be like everyone else? Why live life as a mindless embodiment of "normalcy"? For that is not living at all, it is merely existing. I live to see beauty, life, and love. I see real things, I believe in real things. I am not fake, I do not try, I am not someone else to gain respect, love, or adoration. I am only me, can't you see that? I scream, I cry, I love, I feel, I am human. It is not unnatural to feel pain, to express the pain.

Project this on your TV screen

My old fears quelled but new ones arise. What to do now that I have what I do? The FEAR of waking up and realizing that this is all a dream, a foolish girly hope that should never come true. All of this is too good to be true, too much for a silly girl like me. Do I deserve the heart I hold? Perhaps the right question would be, do I deserve the pain I have because I hold this heart so far away from where it should be kept? The world isn't right, everything is so out of place. Something is missing, something is not right, I should be there and not here. There has formed a gaping hole in my existence where he belongs, and life doesn't seem worth living if he's not here. Everything feels so right now, but everything is so wrong. This is not how it's supposed to happen, I couldn't help who I fell in love with and when it happened, yet here I am putting love on hold.
Will there be a happy ending? The plot has thickened in my movie of life. I'm the damsle in distress in this action/horror/drama series, the fake ending has passed and now the bigger problem arises and everyone sits on the edge of their seats in suspense for the solution and the inevitable happy ending. Someone grab the remote and fast forward the suspense please. I'd miss everything between now and that moment, just to get to that moment. I'm desperate for this chapter to end and let the new one begin.
This movie can't go on without the lead role's supporting actor.

When I wish upon a star

Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, wish I may, wish I might, have the wish, I wish tonight...The twinkling ball of light we've so many times wished upon has brought us nothing. When was the last time a star wish has come true? A true wish, a wish from the heart, a wish that you've thought about for a long time and not only want but desperately need. We are taught as children to hope and dream, but no one ever taught us how to deal with life when our hopes and dreams only let us down. I have never been told how to cure a broken heart, how to mend a torn friendship, or how to bandage a crushed dream. Of all the lessons, over all the years, not a single person has shared these secrets. Is it time to wonder whether anyone really knows?

Love is a many splendored thing

Today I realized, that love may not be what you think it is. I said "Love is different for everyone", and it is. However, no matter how many opinions of love you get there is always going to be some connection, something in common. So there is a common basic definition of love, is there not? The way that people define love differently is because they've had different experiences and they build on the basic definition differently than another person would. I still don't know if "love" is what happened, but what I do know is that it was different than anything else I had ever felt, anything I had ever experienced. The thing that I found truely amazing, was that I could feel that way, and have those same feelings returned (even if they weren't spoken feelings), without a lot of things that people define or base off of "love." If you can love somebody without ever kissing them, that's something, an amazing something.

The way the world turns

Can I help the fact that I think he's beautiful? Can I help that every thought ends up with him? Can I help that I think I'm crazy? This is so much more than anything, than just something. I can't explain it, nor do I want to. All I know is, it'll never happen. All my dreams, all my realities are just thoughts, just whisps of something I could never grasp. Each one threatening to evaporate with each passing day. It's like reaching for the stars, hoping that you can just grab one and put it in a jar to keep you safe at night, but having the knowledge in the back of your mind that they are billions of miles away, and you'll never catch one. Even if you did you couldn't touch it. Knowledge is the path to nonexistence. I want to know, but try to tell me and I'll cover my ears and hum a song. I could make a thousand analogies to what this is, but a million wasted words that would be.

My glass box is empty

The world doesn't shine today. The colors are dull. Nothing has vibrance like it used to. He stole the last bit of me I had left. It was battered, bruised, and bloody. I bandaged it the best I could, I put it in a glass box, hoping it would be okay. See, don't touch, but I let him. I let him poke and prod my neat little heart, hoping all the while he'd just hold it, silent and still. Like time had stopped. He played with my little treasure one too many times. He took it, but left the glass box. The box is so lonely now, with nothing to protect. The glass, it weeps, silently, so quietly. No one can hear my glass box. It weeps on the inside, open it up and the sorrowful tears will be heard by all. You can't open my glass box, for it is locked, and locked it will stay...

The thought quite old fashioned...

My style so old. Yet I know that my words will affect like no other. Respect is such a lost practice, why has the world turned to this, false reality. Everything so material. No one sees the beauty in a light sunset, the way a butterfly floats through the air, the sheer beauty of the wind against your face on a breezy day. No beauty, no thought. Your minds are as closed as no one had hoped for all these years. I hope one day you look at yourself in disgust at all the things you've said, all the people you've hurt in past years. All for reasons that cannot be explained. Your excuses are worn, your morals so cliche`. When I look, I see beauty, I see love, I see gratitude, and gratefulness. When you look you see faint outlines of everything, all in the color of old stone, you see greed, and ignorance. Why all of this? One day all the best questions will be answered, for now all we have are vague excuses for what you've done, and it sickens me.